The Calling Is Louder than the Lurking Lies

It was a random Monday when I felt the “calling.” Many entrepreneurs describe this very moment that I’m about to describe to you in various ways. But for me, I like to describe it as the “calling.” That memorable Monday evening, I remember it being dark outside because it was winter. It was cold and dark, and I didn’t have anywhere to go that evening, so I was kind of feeling “eh.” (If you’ve ever lived in the Midwest or North during the winter, you know the feeling.)

A couple days before, I had arranged to meet over zoom with the two Bridge the Gap teachers that I had hired by that point. It was about an hour from the start of the meeting, and I frankly did not want to have the meeting. I kind of had all of these thoughts in my mind like “who was I thinking that I could start a business from the ground up?” And, “who is even paying attention to what I’m doing?” And, “I can’t lead a group of people into a successful business. I literally know nothing!” I mean, these thoughts were literally beating me down. I didn’t necessarily feel like a failure, because I hadn’t really started anything yet. I more of felt like a kid trying to play grownup. Or like I was in the little league but was trying to make like I was in the major leagues. I did NOT feel at all prepared for the challenges that would come with starting a business.

With all of these thoughts swirling around in my head, I kept trying to figure out a good excuse to get out of the upcoming meeting. I literally couldn’t come up with one…I felt fine, I had nowhere to go, and yeah I was going to be at home sitting in my room probably watching Netflix. I decided to do a quick workout to hopefully get in a better mood. With sweat dripping down my forehead, I decided to spend the last 10 minutes before my meeting taking a shower. It was in the shower, as I felt my head clearing, that I came to the realization that I had a choice to make. My first option was that I could come up with some lame excuse for wanting to reschedule the meeting that night. But in the back of my mind, I knew that rescheduling it would do so much more than just move the meeting to another time. Rescheduling would actually prove to myself that I didn’t have what it takes to run a business. It would prove that I wasn’t responsible enough to have staff, clients, etc. relying on me to spearhead this thing that I called “my business.” Rescheduling would reinforce all of the lies that I was battling against. 

My second option was that I could suck it up and as my dad would say, “Do what I gotta do.” The hardest part of this whole thing was coming to the hard truth and settling it within myself that there were NO OTHER OPTIONS. There is only progress or excuses. 

So, I sucked it up and made a conscious decision that I was going to be all-in for this meeting and not allow the lies to be true. And, then, the most life-changing thing happened. I stepped out of the shower, and all of a sudden was hit with the “calling.” It was like I had the most tangible impression that this business I was building was not just a business. It was my CALLING. It was why I was put on the Earth; it was my reason for being; it was everything.

From that day on, I treated my business so much differently. It isn’t just a side gig or a hobby. There is a weight behind it. Knowing that it is my calling changes everything. 

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